Life - September 2010

Life. It can be a blessing. Much of this month has gone rather well. I had what was to be my next-to-the last session with my counselor last week. We talked a lot about the blessings I have in my life, and how things were mostly turning around in all areas of my life. We agreed that the only concerns would be if Steve decided to go off again and how I would handle it, as well as if I had a good support system in place if he did.

Be careful what you wish for, that was just too much to throw in front of Satan without him taking notice. Or maybe it was just the ride to Hell (Michigan.) I don't know. In any case, last Friday being a nice day, we took a ride to the afore-mentioned place, just because it was the right distance away on what the guidebook said were some nice riding roads. This proved to be true, though our "visit" was quite non-exciting. Two restaurants and a gift shop, that's about all there is to that town. Of course there were two caches there, but since we made the ride decision at the last minute, I didn't know about them until we were back home.

Once we returned home, I got the mail. Steve opened it, and the bills (none of which were for my cards) set him off. Long story short, I am apparently the chief cause of his depression, as I don't work in a job up to my potential and there is no dignity in "wiping babies bottoms." Other words were said, but I'm happy with my response to them, hopefully got my point across without creating more of a storm.

I agreed to start looking for a full time position. I'm saddened that money is still the most important thing in Steve's life. If I'm full time, I'm not available for so much that he doesn't think about. We'd probably go back into a higher tax bracket. And the full time jobs just aren't out there too much. I did interview today for a lead teacher position here in Lowell. Yep, full time, but they could only pay me just over $8 an hour. I make $12 right now. Don't think he'll go for it.

It just breaks my heart to think of leaving my kids at Gilda's. I haven't even said anything yet to them, I certainly don't want to burn any bridges. My prayer though is that if this is God's plan, that he open the doors quickly and provide a gentle exit from Gilda's.

On a lighter note, I've now lost 14 pounds since starting my new way of eating. Feeling good, and my regular clothes have become too big - starting in on some of the clothes that have been put away for a while.

And - we are one of about 35,000 in our county without power this morning, thanks to a big storm that blew through last night. We have a generator, but I don't know much about it so Steve turned it off when he left this morning. I'm recharging the 'puter at BK and having lunch.

Have a nice day!