Goodbyes and wonderings

The day is fast approaching...goodbye to Scott for at least a year and possibly longer. A year would be if we go to Germany to see him next summer. Longer would be if we don't. He is at camp this weekend, will be home later today. We'll go out to dinner tonight for a goodbye celebration and also to celebrate his passing his Staff Sergeant test, then tomorrow will go quickly and Tuesday noonish we'll leave for the airport. He has a lot of packing yet to do - he came with one piece of luggage, with two empties inside the first piece of luggage, so that he can take his maximum of 3 - 70# pieces back with him (still free of charge because he is active duty military.) He shipped about $70 worth of stuff back to himself already through flat rate boxes, mostly heavy stuff but also parts of his stormtrooper costume that he finally has room for in his apartment.

It's been a fun month - canoe/kayak trip, Michigan's Adventure (where we finally found out he got a tattoo in tech school, can't hide THAT from Mom when you're shirtless...) my birthday, lots of card playing, and just some general time spent together. My babies are all growed up!

Eric has been hanging around when Scott's been home, but I expect we'll see a lot less of him after Tuesday, too - mostly because his fall classes will start soon after. It's been good to have him home, too. I think I can safely say that though in distance they are far apart, as adult brothers they are close to each other. Hope they can keep it that way.

Then its just Steve & I and the dog. Don't know how things will be. I know the boys know that things are a struggle for us right now, Eric because he's witnessed things and Scott because Eric has shared with him (so Scott said to me.) Having the boys around has been a buffer zone.

I'm not holding any fairy-tale illusions though. I am beginning to realize that, in his heart, Steve finds it impossible to love someone who can't live up to his standards. Can I live with that? I already realize that we'll most likely never have a physical relationship again. That's hard, I'm still interested but he's not. My counselor is helping me to realize that I might not get to understand the reasons why the Lord still wants me in this relationship but I need to trust Him in all things. So we'll see how it goes. Learning some coping skills for when Steve puts me down helps some.