The highest of highs and the depths of the seas...

This has truly been a week of the "highest of highs and the depths of the seas" - all at the same time. At times my emotions were so mixed up that my stomach was physically tied up in knots (at least that's how it felt.)



There is the excitement of knowing you will be receiving Scouting's highest volunteer award at the council level, the Silver Beaver. When cool things are gonna happen, I have trouble enough sleeping. just the excitement factor I guess.



But on the other hand it was a hard emotional week. It began last Friday when a simple conversation led to a tough episode of being verbally abused by my husband. I've not often called such times by that name, but the reality is that is what it was. I am not a good housekeeper (ok, I will concede that one), I don't take care of myself physically (ok, I could stand to lose some weight) but also I am a college graduate who "wastes her time and talents wiping babies butts." My interests are all time wasters INCLUDING SCOUTING and my time could and should be better spent staying home taking care of the house. That was just the tip of things. He has no respect for me or anything about me, and nothing I do is ever good enough.



I did tell him we either needed to fix our marriage or dissolve it. I want to fix it and told him so. That was about the end of the conversation at that time. From Friday until Wednesday, communication was kept to an absolute minimum, only as necessary. Tough to go through but I didn't want to open myself up to being hurt any further.



On Monday morning, I made an appointment with a Christian counselor to help me sort out all of these issues. I know that my faith combined with his lack of faith and total disrespect for church is part of the situation. So feel like a faith-based counselor can help me figure out things from my end.



Steve, meanwhile, called our doctor and got a recommendation for a counselor as well. He emailed me to ask when I was free, that's the last I heard about it for a few days.



In the midst of this, Tuesday night was our District Awards dinner. I had the pleasure of witnessing many of my scouting friends being honored for their service. I also received my Arrowhead Honor and Commissioner's Key, both for serving as Cub Scout Roundtable Commissioner. It was a good night and a sweet respite from my troubles at home.



The next day, with the council awards dinner only a day away, I sent an email to Steve telling him that we needed to leave at 5:30 if he was still wanting to go with me.



That night, we finally talked (some anyway.) He asked if I wanted him to go with me. Most of me did (though there is still a part of me guarding my heart) and I told him so. I then got as much of an apology as I expect I'll get - he loves me but I exasperate him at times. That doesn't mean the things he said to me are ok and I told him that. He also told me he had made an appointment for June 1 - and that the doctor wanted to see him alone first as they needed a diagnosis for insurance to pay and they're going to use his depression. He had been diagnosed with depression months ago but refused to see anyone. He was disappointed that the appointment wasn't earlier as he hoped "to get this all taken care of before we go on vacation." Which is supposed to be June 11th. Hmmm...not the best of signs there either.



Ok, last night. He came home, sort of subdued. Did find out that there had been a cancellation so he'd seen the counselor that afternoon. He didn't go into detail about the appointment, but wants me to go with him to the next 3 that are set up. At this point I will go to the first one, probably the others as well, but I still am thinking I need to have my own separate counselor as well. Continuing to pray for guidance in this part of the matter, as well as the entire matter of course.



We left for the Council awards event (Eric as well) and arrived only to find they didn't have a nametag for Steve. Not sure what happened there but everything was ok. We took a tour of the radio/tv studios there (at the Eberhart Center, part of GVSU's downtown campus) then had a bunch of fancy hors d'oeuvres, that apparently was "dinner." Got to visit with many fellow scouters during this time.

Then into the event itself. Sat at a table with Steve and Eric along with Dirk from our troop, and Bob and Martin, two scouting friends. I would consider Bob to be one of my mentors in scouting - he was my troop guide when I took Wood Badge and we've done many scouting things together since then.

There were quite a few awards given out to districts and to council officers, and a report from the council president on the highlights of his four years in office. Finally, it was time for the Silver Beaver presentations. I was second of six to receive the award. When the first recipient was called up with his spouse, I quickly realized Eric would have to be the cameraman, not Steve. Unfortunately, Steve had the camera set on no-flash so Eric's pix weren't as high quality. Oh well.

They started talking about my accomplishments, then Lee, who had been the scoutmaster when I served on her Wood Badge staff in 2007, escorted me and Steve up to the front. They then played the video that I'd taped a week ago, talking about why I was in Scouting. Guess I sounded ok on it. Wanted to make the point (in the video) that Scouting had given much to me and to my boys, and I was in it now to give back to others what had been given to us. And it keeps on giving in many ways, not just this award.

Anyway, the council president (who is a federal court judge in GR) gave me the actual award, and Steve was given an Eagle Scout coin (guess they didn't think he'd want flowers like the other spouses...) and the presentations continued. Our "Silver Beaver Class" consists of six scouters from the council: a retired carpenter, a neurosurgeon, a lawyer, an accountant with the IRS, and another health care professional. Guess this child care worker was in some pretty high company! But we're all Scouters and that's what counts. I was the only female scouter honored in the group.

I also received (though I didn't realize it until I was home) a special Silver Beaver pin commemorating that I was a recipient during the 100th anniversary year. That was pretty neat.

After the six presentations, our council executive, Mike, gave an inspirational speech. He is an awesome public speaker, I never get tired of hearing him speak. Then the event was complete, other than a dessert reception and lots and lots of congratulations from my scouting peers.

So the highest of highs and the depths of the sea, all in the same week. Hoping to bring the depths of the sea up to sea level at least, and even higher. It will take time and work.